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Well one week from now, I will be married to my sweetie.  Kim and I have been friends almost as long as I have had MS,  Over this period we both found the courage to help each other out of abusive marriages and deal with the divorces.  

Both of us have learned that our friendship has been the glue that has held us together through some ugly times.  We have learned to trust and honesty has been something we both value.  I think we trust each other so very much.  Our love is real.  We can now feel something that we have never felt before.  We have both chosen that this is what we want.   It is a lot better than feeling we NEED to have this or that.  

So I have found myself and my love.  This is wonderful and this is bringing peace to me heart.  I know that finding the female in me has let me find that it is the person that is important.  I find Kim to be so beautiful and it is not just her physical beauty, but everything.  I don't want her to change rather I want her to just be Kim.  

I have so much work to get done here and I have until Thursday night to get things in order. 

I have set up to have a wonderful person come in everyday to visit and take care of Rosie (my Kitty).  This woman has done documentaries on the animals of Katrina.  I trust her very much.

Today and yesterday the temp was ugly.  For many the warm weather is heaven, for me, it is just down and out ugly.  Before MS, I was ok with warm temps, but now it is not fun.  My MS really hates the warmer temps.  When it was colder, I would walk to work and just enjoy the cold.  I could sleep with the windows open.  Rosie was not exactly happy and was happy when I put a blanket over her.  Yes I have spoiled her way too much.  

I am really tired but that is part of the MS game.

SMYRC event

Well another SMYRC Event...10 years and counting!!!

I got an email about 2 weeks ago from Zan at SMYRC wondering if I could cook up lots of fook for the Youth at SMYRC.  I just can't say no to the requests.  I don't know how many cooking gigs I have done for them, but I sometimes don't think I have done enough for them.  

I know that deep in my heart I know that I want each and everyone of them to find happiness and safety.  I look at their courage and wish that when I was their age, I could have had a place like SMYRC.  

I am really tired today given the volume of cooking.  I should get going on the near endless unpacking process.  This seems too much for me today.  I was able to make coffee in my French Press and found some fresh pineapple in the refridgerator.  I know this is like so un-motivated, but I am not too motivated right now. 

I am thinking of writing a cook book maybe in coordination with the youth at SMYRC.  I have so many recipies and if we do a good job we can sell it to raise money for SMYRC.  I could always ask the youth to tell me their fave foods and I could create a version of it and see if it is good enough for the book. 

I can do vegan, carnivore and everything in-between.   

I think I have mastered the art of making large batches of Humus.  I think the next time I do Humus for them, I will do one that is mild and one that has some heat.  I think adding a little spice would be match some of the "DRAMA" of the kids.  

Oh well I gotta get going .... maybe I should crash and take a nap!!!

I hate Moving!!!!!

I really have to do another purge process of stuff!!!

I am frustrated because I get some of the stuff boxed and then realize that I need to do even more.  Of course I get ugly tired and have to rest.  So the frustration get greater and greater.  Oh well this means the moving people will get to pack what is left and I will just pay them a little more.  

Rosie (Cat) is getting a bit upset with all the packing.  She was found on the street and I think she was abandoned when someone was moving and didn't want to take her.  I can't understand this because she is the sweetest cat.  I think she has become the best companion cat.  However when she decides to lick and lick me.... well it tickles.  

Rosie will now have a 2 bdrm apartment.... a step up from my very nice studio. 

I think I am in an ugly mood because I am writing rebuttal testimony for this rate case from hell.  It is challenging when I have to craft good arguments for some of the  very good opposing testimony, however I have hate it when the arguments I am trying to rebut are flat out beyond stupid.  A couple of them were basically "bitch sessions"  ..  and none them are female and they would probably puke if they knew I was a bit trans.  Whoooo hoooo.

Kim is beyond excited about the wedding and I feel the same.  We have done it beyond right.  We became the best of best friends, we have been honest with each other and we love every second we spend together.

Well my knee is pfffffttttt nasty.  I will have surgery sometime in June, that is I hope.  I will not let it affect going to the Portland Waterfront Blues Festival.  

Oh well I am going to try to take off most of June.  This will put a little dent in my gadzillion Annual leave balance.  Right now I have about 23 days of use or lose which is on top of another 30 days of just regular Annual leave.  Add 7 days of other leave and well I really should take some time off.  My boss is taking off all of September and I figure he will leave and I will get hit with a tidal wave of work.  I know I get paid well but there are days where I think I don't.

Oh well I am sleepy and need to get up early so I can deal with the edits and then maybe take off the afternoon to start the actual move.  

Did I say I really hate moving?????  


Too many things to do!!! ARRGGGHHHH!!!!!

I feel like I am burning the candle at both ends and even in the middle at times.  

Work is has been ok in that I put my foot down finally.  I said that I have been working too much in the area of putting together the numbers and this is a really poor use of my expertise.  So I am now the internal consultant in this area and this means that if the analysts have a problem with the analysis, I am the one they go to for an answer.   Now management likes the idea, but the analysts have not completely bought into this, that is until they get in over their heads and I need to fix the problem.  

I have to add the internal consultant work to the work I am doing on the RATE CASE from HELL.  This is the one that I have been working way too hard on for the last 12 months.  I figure I have hit about 4 stretches where I worked 30 straight days without a break.  No weekends and if there was a Fed Holiday, well I just plowed through them.  When all of our work was finished, I had been the primary person that wrote about 50 pages of Testimony, 60 pages of written studies and tables and about 1000 pages of documentation.  

Odd I am the kid that has MS and I put out more work than the other people.  Of course the MS really let me know that I was not being nice to myself.  

So health issues.  Well my MS is ok, still have the fatigue, but as I tell people .."I have a med for that"  It  is one of tension reduction comments.  When someone comments that they  are really tired... I say ..I have med for that,  if they say that they have restless leg syndrome, well I say I have a med for that.... I should have an illicite pharmacy... but I don't think the feds would like that... oooopppps.... I work for the feds.....gulp!!!

So I am working with a doc for knee surgery.  I wish I could say ... I had a spectacular skiing crash and burn... but alas it was just me tripping on Kim's front door mat and I ended up tearing cartilage.  Now the good thing is that most of the time I don't feel it , because it is in the leg that has lots of numbneess.  But then when I do feel it .....Yeooooowwwww!!!!!!!!  

Kim and I are getting married in WV and the wedding is late May.   I am going to move into a 2 bedroom apartment at the end of April and I wondering how the heck am I going to do this.  I mean I need to pack up everything and have it ready for movers.  I sent an email to a minister at my church to see if I can get help from some of the members.  

Alas, I have to get a suit for the wedding and this is a bit contrary to what I am but I know that Kim's parental units will be happy and I just want some peace and contentment.  I joked with Kim about who gets to wear the dress...... we can laugh about this and oh well me being myself with some wierd humor is not bad.

So I am trying to keep things in perspective and I hope I can just keep some perspective.   


Well this year is starting off on a  good note.  

Kim and I are engaged and this is something we have thought about and we realize that it is the right direction.  For us we never ever want to see the process of divorce again and realize that we love each other very much.   

Well my family (Sisters and one brother) ... well I called on Christmas to the sisters and didn't get anyone.  My younger sisters returned my call but not on that day.  I haven't talked to my older brother for years and I am not too interested because he and I have never seen eye to eye and the last time I had contact, he tried to get me in trouble at my job.  Now he was laughed at but this was not a very brotherly action.  This all started with the death of my dad years ago.  

I don't know if any of them will want to come to our wedding but then I am not going to worry.  

Well the country ham we cooked was good and very salty.  Kim said it was better than most country hams.  Oh my Gawd I thought it was like a salt lick.  Oh well I am going to use small amounts in things like soup and some cajun dishes.  I won't need to salt the dish because the ham has more than enough.  I think next year we will do a regular sugar cured ham.... a normal one.

So I am happy because I have a wonderful and loving person in my life.  We want to live a simple life and don't want any drama in our life.  

This is going to be a wonderful year and our life together will be great.



Well I finally got the Crisis De Jour done and even added on the second version my manager wanted.  

So my sweetie is on the plane and on the way to visit.....DOUBLE YIPPEEEEE

So I am in a good mood and feel a lot better.  I have realized that my body feels better and I don't seem to have the ugly MS issues seem to be less when I am working on complex issue.   Now when the fatigue hits due to long hours then all bets are off.  So I have to pace myself.

My neuro has written a good letter for me to take to HR and this will say no OT unless byond necessary and this is only on an infrequent basis.

Well I have got a really nice replacement for my old Bang & Olufsen receiver that has finally gone bad.  I got an ONKYO AV reciever and it is an awesome unit.... Just need to figure out how to get the DVD player to tie into the receiver.  It will run through the ONKYO and when my sweetie moves out with her new Panasonic Plasma HD TV things will be great.

So things are getting better.  I may get a little Christmas tree for us but then Rosie (Kitty Cat) will have fun with it.  I don't know how much my ex left me in the area of Christmas decorations.  She vacumned up so much when she left, especially anything that was purchased during the marriage.  Hmmmm most if not all of it was using my money.... Go figure.  

Christmas will be so nice and I don't care if I finding anything nice.


What a crappy day!!!!  

I am again on one of those infamous "Crisis De Jour'"   This one is to make senior management comfortable with the changes we made in our models.  It is absurd but their ability to accept change is around zero.

So I am going against my docs order and working this weekend and probably the next one and extra hours.  

So to make this day even worse is my manager has now finally decided to look at our forecast models and he is finding errors.. or at least that is what he thinks.  He is peppering me with emails pointing out the errors knowing full well I am on one of his "Crisis De Jour" .  I didn't even build the models but I am getting the emails.  So he is now expecting me to deal with two huge issues at the same time and I have MS.  

I am sooooo pissed off because I have put in so much work and I have pushed myself to one relapse and here I go again.  It is so frustrating because I am the only one in doing the crisis work and I have been on this mode since May.  My MS is screaming at me and I wonder if this job is worth it now.  

I am worried that I am going to end up in the hospital with mega infusions to beat down a major relapse.  

I am going to get mega sleep tonight.  



  Well I am at home watching the Oregon / Oregon State game and it is not good for my Ducks.  Oh welol when you have the 5th string QB starting it is not going to look good.  

Well my MS is better, so the Solumedrol IV treatment seems to be working.  Now if I could just shake this cold and I may feel better.

Worked some this morning and got a lot done, however there was an email from one of the top people wanting to have a meeting to discuss the results of the work.  It is like he and others can imagine what they want to see and puuffff ... I am supposed to just pull the results out of my hat.  I think he is not going to like what he sees.  They all wanted me to find a way to fix the results for one of the big utiliy companies.  So after figuring out how to adjust the models, I was able to make the fix.  Then of course I have to be consistent and made the changes to the other models.   Well the results are crazy and I have worked  and worked to figure out the issues and what they want is is impossible.  So I figure Monday afternoon they will have another CRISIS DE JOUR.  j

So I am in an ugly mood.  Duckies are playing poorly and yet another crisis at work.
 Well today I spent at home.  I was thinking about going to work today, eventhough it is a Fed holiday.  I just couldn't because at first I though my sweetie was going to fly in but then I got an email that told me she was not and I guess I didn't read her flight schedule right .... MS sucks.  

So I know in my heart that she loves me but for over a month her parents have been there and our communication has been so limited.  This has been tough because I know she so much misses me as I miss her.  I know she loves them an they love her.  She has been working so hard on the condo so she can rent it and this tells me that she is planning to live here.  I sometimes wish I could retire and just live there but I haven't been at my job enough. 

Oh well I just hope she knows that I love her with all my heart.

 Today was a nice day here in Portland, Cool and just a nice fall day.  I really love this time of year.

Worked a couple of hours but it was so nice because I was writing testimony and I felt there was no stress and just was able to get so much done,

Then I had a Kris day.   Took Max down to the Saturday Market.. well it is also open on Sunday and got a nice pair of earings that are silver.  Also found some really nice candles for the table.  One set is lavendar (one of my fave scents) and the other is vanilla.  

Then I took Max to get the Trolley so I could go to NW 21st area to do some shopping at one of my fave shops.  Got some lucsious ravioli and italian sausage.  Got a couple bottle of Italian wines and will have a nice dinner.  This nieghborhood store is linked with Pasta works and is so European in nature.  I am going o get a couple racks of Lamb for a very special dinner with my sweetie.  

Maybe I will coat the rack with dijon mustard and cracked pepper.  Then sear it and finish it off in the oven.... medium rare.  Then use the dripping etc to make a nice Port pan sause.   Serve this with some baby potatoes and brussel spouts in a bacon cream sauce.  Add a berry galet and some great wine and this will be so nice for Kim and me. 

The ugly relapse is finally going back to bed and I am walking better and feeling a lot better also.  The yucky steroids still are in my system and there are times I feel really bitchy but then so what I am Kris and well I get to be bitchy now and then.  

Well I hope to have an anti Turkey Thanksgiving dinner!!!!   I hope to get a couple filets of Salmon and then make a seafood stuffing.   The bread part will be my homemade croutons.  I think a savory bachemal sause that binds it all together will be part of the recipie.  

Well My Oregon Duckies are ranked #2 in the College polls and if they win the rest of their games, then they should be in the big BCS championship bowl.  If this happens I will have to have a special Kris style of a home "tail gate" party.   Hmmmmm what should this kid cook for this party.......    How about Kris's bad ass Buffolo wings????  Oh I can be so bad.


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