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Time to move on

I admit that I have not made SMYRC a high priority lately. 

MS has been a sly thief of energy and by the time Friday rolls around, I am beyond tired.  For those of you with MS, you will know and for those without MS, you are lucky and sometimes have a more exciting life. 

I have decided to move on from being a vollunteer at SMYRC..  Maybe moving to the new digs was unsettling and maybe I have turned my cooking gigs to something more important to me.  This year my love and I did 4 meals for people at the Goose Halllow Homeless Shelter.  The dishes are meant to feed at least 35 people or more.  Leftovers are used by the people for lunch the next day.

The gigs usually start on Friday with the purchacing of products and initial preperation.  On Saturday the serious cooking starts.  This is usually cooking the starch, protien and cake or crumble.  I am one of these kinds that take cooking seriously and feel the food we provide should be no less than what I cook at home. 

I guess the last straw was Friday's Open Mic event. This was the 100th anniversary of the Open Mic night.  A couple of weeks ago I got the email for volunteers for this event. I responded and said I would provide food.  Now when I do this, I assume the number of servings is around 100.  In the past I have done some serious cooking for them and said no big deal. 

So we went out and dropped about $150 buying ingredients.  Loaves of really good bread, cheeses, and meat from Sheridans here in Portland.  Made a huge pan of Humus and 2 trays of a brown rice vegan dish.  Now for 2 people with MS doing all the shopping and prep is not easy.  Fatigue is not fun.

As usual I was figuring that the coordinator really meant it when she said she needed food.  In the past Zan would tell me that it was a special Dance and I knew they needed food. 

Well last evening I came in with all of this food and was meeted with a ho hum attitude and saw piles of food.  I put down 3 grocery bags of awesome meats, bread, cheeses and chips.  I watched kids trip over the bags and no one even wondered what I had brought.  At that point I was hurt and really disgusted.  I mean I was at the point of just going over to the tables and grab the bags and leave.  My next destination would have been the Goose Hollow homless shelter or Portland Rescue Misszion.  I am sure I would have gotten a better response.  I should send SMYRC a invoice for the food.

I am upset because I didn't get info as to how much food was needed.  In the past if Zan sent the request, I knew what was going to be needed.  So I brought really good food and people just tripped over it.  I should have packed up the food an gone to the shelters.

Now I really felt out of place there.  A dear friend or a peson that I thought was a friend just treated me as if I was not there.  For me this is a game that I have played so many times before.  Kids I don't grovel or try to please anymore to get a response. 

So I will email the people at SMYRC that I am not a volunteer any more.  No more spag dinners, no more Prom catering no more of Kris. 

I will expand to feed people in real need.  Become more involved in homeless shelters and see if the Portland Rescue Mission could use a volunteer that can cook. 

So this is a good bye to SMYRC and someone that I really loved as a Friend.  For me this is tough, because I can identify with many of the issues the youth face.  I can easily say "been there.... done that" .  I have had great times talking with the youth and in the past felt a real bond with them.  I remember when I would get there and the first thing was "HI Kris" and then a line of them would go out to the car and help bring in the food.  Those were the times that I will hold dear and always remember the smiles. 



( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 28th, 2010 01:23 am (UTC)
I think this is a good choice. Help those who appreciate it.
Mar. 28th, 2010 01:33 am (UTC)
You were there at the event? I’m sorry if you were there at the same time as me, because I surely don’t remember seeing you. There were a lot of faces that I recognized only faintly (but as a person who sees a lot of people she can’t match names to, I tend to just smile or nod and move on). There were some people that I thought I might need to introduce myself to, but I didn’t get around to all of them. I didn’t know any of the people with adult volunteer or adult visitor name tags. Heck, I can just barely remember Mo’s face and name. (Believe me, if Mo said “Hi” to me on the street, I’d have no idea who she was.) The only adults I knew there were Ledah, Mo, and Zan - oh, and Eli - everyone else was unfamiliar. (I’m not good with the names and faces of the youth, either - which is my biggest hardship of working at SMYRC.) I hate crowds.

Too bad we didn’t connect; I would have liked to have talked with you.

It’s unfortunate there were not good communications with the food. SMYRC is different with Zan gone. It probably is a good thing you’ll move on to an organization that is more appreciative and has better communications.
Mar. 28th, 2010 04:53 am (UTC)

I understand the issue with crowds. For me issues from the past rear their ugly heads and I need to get out for fresh air.

I would love to talk with you.

I have learned much about myself and my sprituality. I am not a bible thumper, rather one that says a hungry person will never learn.

JC tell me to feed the hungry and I figure this is what I should do. No I don't think it will mean a better place in the next phase, rather it means that people will not go hungry.

There were times at SMYRC where I knew the food was feeding youth that were very hungry. Once there was a girl that dropped her food and looked so scared, I told her to just get some more and I would clean up the mess. To me this is what I see as a Thank you.

The Youth at SMYRK seem to have become self reliant and to me this is good.

It has taken so much time for me to find reconcilliation with my past and now I try to walk with a sense of being part of the solution and not the discussion.

I have found balance in my life. Yes I am in between the genders and so what. I realize that I am me and will not try ever to be someone I am not.

My notion of just picking up the bags of food and taking them to a shelter is not about appreciation, rather the food would have gone to a better need.

This is just the way I look at life.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )

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